


You have never lived, because you have never died

by p4vl0vsdaught3r



Category: Elyza Lex (Fanverse), The 100 (TV), queer the walking dead
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, Don't Worry Everything Will be Good In The End, F/F, Graphic Violence, I'm A Sucker for Happy Ends, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6683131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p4vl0vsdaught3r/pseuds/p4vl0vsdaught3r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elyza Lex and Alicia Clark meet in yet another zombie riddled alternative universe. Tensions are running high. Sparks (and bullets) fly and both of them might just find what they are looking for.</p><p>-</p><p>  <em>Hesitatingly Elyza moves her hand under the jacket. She takes a step forward her mouth nearly touching the woman's chin as she runs her hands over the strangers back, checking her for any kind of weapon. There is nothing but warmth. Her hands tremble, when she runs them over the petite figure of the woman. She bites her lower lip, when she feels the softness of the stranger's breast under her fingers.</em></p><p>  <em>“You know, all you had to do was ask. No need for all of this pretense,” the woman drawls and Elyza feels her cheeks burn up. This beautiful and infuriating woman is going to be the death of her - one way or another. </em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! So while I was stuck on my other story, I kind of started to write my own version of how Alicia/Elyza meet in this re-imagined zombie apocalypse. We're somewhere in the Siberian wastelands, and even though I'll mention real life countries and cities, this is more of an imaginary world inspired by the actual places. I haven't really watched FTWD, so the only character from FTWD that will make an appearance is Alicia Clark. It is basically "The 100" set in a zombie apocalypse with (reincarnated?) Lexa and Clarke as Alicia and Elyza. So, that's what you're in for. I thrive on drama and all those nasty and fucked up emotions and situations, so buckle up, this ain't for the faint of heart (seriously guys, not even kidding). 
> 
> There are three parts and I have already finished the story, which is pretty neat since it saves me from the anxiety of not being able to get a chapter done and finally update, and you get regular updates. So a chapter, a day. I'll update sometime late afternoon-ish CET. I hope you enjoy and feel free to leave a comment. 
> 
> (one last thing, the title is taken from the eponymous _Listener_ song; the way their music is able to touch me is what I'm tying to achieve with my writing... maybe someday)

Elyza Lex crouches closer to the fire pit savoring the warmth of the flames on her ice cold skin. They have been running around the wilds for a couple of hours now, and her legs are tired and her feet feel like they will never be warm again, but at least it isn't raining for once. She hates travelling in the rain, it's just exhausting and the danger of getting seriously ill isn't something to be trifled with in this world. Even a common cold left untreated can kill you. Antibiotics and morphine are expensive and you need to be lucky enough to find somebody who's willing to trade with you and doesn't just shoot you on sight.

The world has grown into a pretty grim and harsh place.

Finn told her to start up a fire, before he left to search for some kindling in the woods. Elyza ransacks her backpack for some they can warm up over the campfire and quickly finds her last can of spaghetti. She hasn't eaten anything since they started their journey through the forest. Elyza still isn't sure where exactly they are travelling, but she trusts Finn to know their destination.

A town called Zeleno-something. Elyza opens the can with her knife and spills some of the valuable food.

"Fuck," she curses. This is her last can, and now nearly a third of the content is gone. She raises her hand to her mouth, tasting the tomato sauce that she spilled all over her hand. It is delicious. She licks her hand clean, not really caring how dirty her hands are.

She fills the pot with the spaghetti and warms it over the fire. Using her spare jacket to sit on, she takes a seat next to the campfire. She takes her shoes off and crouches closer to the fire. Her feet still feel pretty numb, after days walking around in the tight military boot, it feels good to be able to move her toes again.

"You already got the fire started, thank god," Finn says carrying a handful of wooden sticks in his hands. He kneels down to add them to the fire and takes a seat beside Elyza. "I'm freezing.“

Finn rubs his hands together and stretches them out towards the fire.

"I think I finally regained some feeling in my feet. God, why is it so damn cold?"

"We are in the midst of the Siberian tundra, we are lucky that it isn't freezing."

"Fuck, I miss the sun."

There are a lot of things she misses. She misses home so fucking much. She misses the life she built for herself, the friends she made, her family. She misses the small things, the things she took for granted. She misses the moderate climate and living in a house that has both electricity and warm water. Not having to worry about where she is going to find something to eat, or if the person she just met is conspiring to kill her and take all her stuff. She takes a deep breath, exhaling the air slowly. That life is gone. The sooner she realizes that, the sooner she will be able to accept the reality she is now in.

"So, how are you holding up, _myshka_?" Finn asks.

"I'm good."

Finn smiles at her, and runs a finger through his long, dark hair. In the short time they have known each other it had grown even longer. Elyza once offered to cut it for him, but he just refused and mumbled something about going hunting and just left.

"Isn't it weird how there are no zombies around here any longer?" Elyza asks as she watches the shadows that the fire casts around them. "I swear I haven't seen any since the last pa- for a couple of days I mean."

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Finn asks. 

"One day they were just fucking everywhere," Elyza says with a grim voice, as she remembers how they nearly got her and Octavia. "And the next day they are just gone. It's creepy, ain't it?"

"Maybe that's all part of God's perverted plan to fuck with us," Finn notes. 

Elyza raises an eyebrow at him. 

"You don't even believe in God."

"Nah I don't, it was us humans that created this world, wasn't it? A bunch of egomaniacal scientists just fucking had to play God and brew up a fucking apocalypse, didn't they? They probably even thought that they were saving the world, what a fucking joke. Look what they made. Maybe they aren't done just yet, you know?" 

"You're not even making sense right now - you okay?"

"Fucking Dean," Finn mumbles, and Elyza just ignores him. The closer they come to their destination, the messier and unintelligible is his talk. Finn shakes his head and looks into the fire. "Whatever. We are nearly there now. Maybe a ten minute walk left. There are a few things I'd like to talk through with you first."

"Ok."

"I haven't been to Leno for some time now, but there should be someone there to help you find your friend. Last time I was there, a couple of UN Blue Helmets took camp in the city. They are pretty well connected, so if you want to find your friend they are your go-to guys."

Elyza nods taking all the information in. She thought the UN peacekeepers were gone for good, but apparently she was wrong.

"Just remember: if they don't wear a blue helmet or a UN uniform, we stay the fuck away. I don't trust anybody here, we are too close to _his_ territory."

"His?" Elyza asks.

“Wallace, I told you about him. They live near Green Mountain and call themselves the Mountain Men. They are bat shit crazy; Wallace thinks he is some kind of God chosen ruler. You defy him, you die." Finn explains with narrow eyes. He snorts and throws a small rock into the fire.

"Right, yeah I remember. You were living in their camp for some time, weren't you?"

"That was a long time ago."

Elyza just nods, accepting Finn's reluctance to speak about his past. They eat in silence for some time. They only have one pot, so they share it between the two of them. It's not much, but it will get them enough energy until they reach the city. Hopefully there they'll finally get a real meal again.

"You trust me, right?" Finn asks between two bites.

"Course I do."

And she does, she might not know Finn for very long, but he is the best traveling companion she's had in a long time. And at the moment he is her only chance of finding Octavia again. She has no choice but to trust him.

"When we are in the city, you do as I tell you. You don't ask questions, you follow my lead." Elyza bites her lips; she was never one to follow orders. "I understand that you have reservations, but these are my rules. If you don't agree, we don't go in there."

"I agree," Elyza finally says.

"There are some really bad people around this area, _myshka_. They enjoy hurting you, they enjoy making you scream, making you cry out loud in pain... trust me I got some first hand experience. If we see them, we run. If anything seems even remotely out of the ordinary, we run. We run and don't look back."

~*~*~

They spend some time watching the town from afar. Finn is adamant that they scout the area, before entering the small and seemingly empty town. Finn lies down next to a bush on a hill that overlooks Zelenogorsk. He gives Elyza his binoculars, while he uses the magnifying scope on his rifle to scan the town.

After ten minutes of doing nothing but lie in the dirt and look at the empty city, Finn decides it is safe to go in. They haven't seen a single undead and no sign of any survivors in the small town. Regardless Finn never stops being on guard. Even now they tiptoe around the city, hell bent on not making any noise to direct someone's attention to them. They are on their way to the old police station on the other side of the town, where the Blue Helmets are supposed to have their headquarters.

They walk through the back garden of a small house and are just about the make their way onto the only street in the town, when Finn makes a sign for her to stop. They are in between a huge wooden fence and the small one story house the garden belongs to. Even if there is somebody in town, there is no way they can spot them here.

Finn leans forward to check the street, and Elyza is about to follow her companions example, when a hand stops her. Finn's strong hand is pressing painfully into her breast and Elyza stumbles back a few steps.

"Ouch," Elyza whines.

Finn is on her in a second. He turns around with a swiftness Elyza didn't think him to be capable of and presses her against the fence. Finn's hand is on her mouth rendering Elyza unable to say anything. With her other hand Finn indicates for her to be quiet.

Elyza just nods not really understanding what is happening.

Finn resolves his hold on her and turns back towards the street. He leans forward his body still safely hidden behind the fence and a bush. Stoically he watches the street for what feels like forever.

When he turns back, his eyes are cold.

“Get your gun out, Elyza,” Finn whispers, while he simultaneously takes his rifle into his hands. For a moment Elyza hesitates, only now she remembers that she had maybe neglected to mention to Finn that she never even fired the weapon. “Now!”

Elyza scrambles to get the shotgun off her back. The gun feels heavy in her hands, the metal ice cold from the chilly Siberian autumn. Her fingers tremble uncontrollably, when her index finger brushes the trigger.

“Um, Finn… I don’t-“

“Not now,” he hisses without looking at Elyza. He moves forward again and his eyes are glued to something Elyza can't see. “She hasn’t noticed anything yet.”

“She?” Elyza asks her voice a pitch higher than before. She tries to move past Finn to get a look at whoever her companion believes to be a threat to them, but again she is stopped by Finn’s strong arms. Finn pushes her back.

“Stay behind me.”

“It might be Octavia."

"It's not."

Finn doesn't even know her friend, so how could he tell if it was or wasn't her; yes, Elyza told him how she looks like, but still... Finn seems ready to shoot whoever is on that street. She is not going to let anybody hurt her friend. Not again. Not Octavia.

So, Elyza moves past Finn, while her companion is focused on the figure on the street. Even from afar Elyza immediately tell that it's not Octavia. _Shit_. Finn furiously stares at her and takes a step forward, blocking Elyza from view.

“Put your hands where I can see them!” he shouts loud enough for the stranger to hear him. His voice rings in Elyza's ears.

The woman stops moving, her whole body freezing at the spot. She still has her back turned towards them, so all Elyza can see is the huge backpack, and long, dark braids. No weapon, as least as far as she can see. Her hands are up almost immediately. 

“I’m unarmed,” the woman says in perfect English. Her voice sounds rough like she hasn’t used it in a long time. She clears her throat, the noise echoing through the vacant streets.

Finn seems unfazed by her admission.

“Turn around. Slowly,” he demands. Not for the first time Elyza is surprised how cold and calculated Finn appears. It is such a stark contrast to the funny and easy going guy that she got to know on their journey together. He gestures for Elyza to follow him, while he takes slow and measured steps towards the woman.

Mystery woman complies with the orders; her hands are still raised high above her head, when she turns.

She is wearing a face mask with a black and white pattern. Elyza can't really make the pattern out, but it looks like there are a bunch of skulls on the cloth. She's wearing a black riders jacket and a pair of dark jeans. The skin around her eyes is jet black, she looks terrifying.

They stop meters away from her. The stranger still hasn't said anything else.

“Elyza, check her stuff."

Elyza remembers Finn's talk from before, when he told her to do exactly as he says. Even though she doesn't think the woman is a threat to them, she still makes her way towards her. She puts the shotgun back on her back, happy to no longer have the deadly weapon in her hands.

“God, I’m so sorry about this,” Elyza says quiet enough that Finn can’t hear her. At least Elyza hopes her traveling companion isn’t able to hear her words, she can imagine the verbal scolding Finn would give her for… _fraternizing_ with a potential threat. “Um, can you- you know drop your backpack? Please,” she adds.

The woman just looks at her plainly and shrugs her shoulders, before shrugging out of her backpack and giving it to Elyza. Elyza opens it and takes a quick peek inside. There are a couple of cans, sodas, canteens and a few bags of rice in there. Nothing that seems even remotely dangerous.

“She’s got nothing in here but food.”

Finn nods his eyes never leaving the stranger. His weapon is still trained at the woman who seems unfazed by the barrel pointed at her face. Elyza closes the heavy backpack and puts it on the ground.

“That’s what I told you,” the stranger says her voice muffled through the face mask. She starts to move her arms down, but Finn cuts her off by taking a step forward. His gun is now only centimeters away from the woman’s face.

“Keep your hands up,” Finn reminds her sternly. He is still very tense and the discovery that the woman is in fact unarmed doesn't seem to calm his nerves in the least; on the contrary, he seems even more stressed out by now. “Into the building, now.”

“Finn, what are you doing?”

“Just do as I say.”

“I know we never talked about this, but I’m not at all comfortable with robbing or you know hurting people..."

"I'm not going to rob her."

"Then-"

“Don’t you understand?" Finn interrupts. "She’s not alone.”

“Oh.”

“Inside, now!” Finn insists.

Elyza does what she says without asking another question. It’s an old building, two stories as far as Elyza can tell. The door is already broken up, most of them are nowadays. Large groups of scavengers band together almost as fast as the infection spread throughout the country. Armed with whatever they could get their hands on, from firearms, to axes, to pitchforks to baseball bats they raided the cities and broke down every door that was in their way. After the civil order broke down, most of the still surviving UN peacekeepers, national guard, military forces and aid workers fled the country in hope of escaping the impending catastrophe. As far as Elyza knows they closed the borders shortly after that in hopes of containing the outbreak. Elyza never came close enough to the borders to be able to verify that, but she heard stories about the Russian military shooting not only the walkers, but everybody that dared to come to close to the border.

Finn leads them into what was probably a living room before all of this started. He motions for the woman to stand on the opposing side of the room, while he leans against the wall his weapon still trained at the stranger.

“Check her.”

Elyza blinks at Finn.

“I don’t think she has anything on her… she seems like we can trust her. There was only food-“

“ _Radi trakhayet_ , just do it. I don’t want to get shot in the back, just because you reckon her to be trustworthy.”

Finn slowly seems to loose his cool.

“I-,” Elyza wants to protest, but realizes it’s useless to argue and Finn might just be right. “Ok.”

She takes a step towards the stranger, who casually listened in on their argument and even though Elyza can't see the lower half of her face she gets the feeling that the woman is smirking at the two of them. She seems amused and not even a mite anxious. Elyza knows she’d be scared shitless if two stranger were pointing their guns at her and arguing about what to do with her.

“So, um… I’m just going to, you know,” Elyza awkwardly says, while she starts to pat the stranger down. With both hands she starts to pat down her arms, the leather feels rough and cold under her fingers. The woman must be freezing under there. “Can you, um… open your jacket for me?”

The woman starts to move her hands down, but Finn interjects again. “No, no you keep em up high. Elyza, you do it.”

Elyza feels her heart nearly jump out of her chest, when she fumbles with the zipper of the jacket. She hasn't touched another person since… God knows how long. The sound of the zipper opening rings loud and sharp in her ears. She makes the mistake of meeting the woman's gaze. Bright green eyes stare back at her and almost immediately Elyza feels her cheeks burn up. The stranger makes no inclination to look away, but instead watches Elyza's every move.

Elyza is quick to avert her eyes.

Hesitatingly Elyza moves her hand under the jacket. She takes a step forward her mouth nearly touching the woman's chin as she runs her hands over the strangers back, checking her for any kind of weapon. There is nothing but warmth. Her hands tremble, when she runs them over the petite figure of the woman. She bites her lower lip, when she feels the softness of the stranger's breast under her fingers.

“You know, all you had to do was ask. No need for all of this pretense,” the woman drawls and Elyza feels her cheeks burn up. This beautiful and infuriating woman is going to be the death of her - one way or another.

“Quiet,” Finn interrupts harshly.

Elyza shoots her companion a quick glance. Finn is still very stoic; only the way his lips are tensely pressed together reveal that he is not as cool about this as he is trying to appear. She clears her throat and takes a step back.

"Can you, um... turn around."

The woman raises an eyebrow, but does what Elyza tells her to. She leans against the wall and uses her hands that are still raised above her head to support herself. She spreads her legs without request. Elyza finds it suddenly very difficult to breathe. Her heart is beating violently in her chest.

"Hurry up," Finn demands impatiently.

Elyza quickly checks both the front and the back pockets of her jeans for weapons and tries to ignore he fact that she is touching the stranger quite intimately. She is not surprised, when she doesn't find anything.

"I'm done. She is clean."

Even before the woman is able to make any inclination to turn around, Elyza has already retreated back to Finn's side bringing a safe distance between the two of them. Finn looks at her oddly, before he regards the woman.

"Now we talk. You can turn back around and take your hands down. And would you mind taking that ridiculous face mask off."

The brunette turns around her eyes finding Elyza at once. With a swift movement she takes the mask off. The darkness around her eyes is face paint that runs down her cheeks in a tribal like pattern. Elyza is immediately reminded of the fur pattern of a raccoon and she has to stifle a laugh. The paint looks both intimidating and ridiculous at the same time; and it does remind her of a pretty darn trashy TV series she used to watch as a kid about a group of teenagers that are the only people left on earth after a virus killed all adults. They too were very keen on wearing absurd paint on their faces. 

God, that was a long fucking time ago. 

The only difference is that this woman is something else. She's damn beautiful. Without the mask Elyza can see the way the brunette smirks at her, a playful glint in her eyes. She almost looks like she is enjoying this. "We don't mean you any harm. And I'm sorry for the inconvenience, I'm sure you understand the necessity of our actions."

"Oh, no inconvenience at all. I rather enjoyed that."

She winks at Elyza.

"Right," Finn says, "I have a couple of questions and I want the truth. You think you can do that?"

The woman just shrugs.

"I take that as a yes. Are you alone?"

"Yes."

"Try again."

"Yes, I am currently alone. Apart from you and your beautiful friend over there that is." She grins at Elyza.

"You know what I mean. Did you come here alone or is there anybody with you?"

"Why didn't you ask that from the beginning?" she smiles sweetly at Finn, who is seething by now. "I came here with my sister. She should be around here somewhere."

"Do you have any way to contact her?"

"I did. I had a radio, before you idiot made me leave the backpack in the middle of the street."

"Take my radio." Finn hands it to her. "Tell her to stay the fuck out of the building or I'll shoot you. No tricks."

Elyza blinks at her friend. She doesn't really understand where all the aggression is coming from, the brunette has honestly done nothing to deserve Finn treating her like that.

"What Finn means to say," Elyza starts trying to make her voice sound even, "is to tell her that you are fine and will be with her very soon. We won't hurt you."

The stranger raises her eyebrow, before she starts turning some of the dials until he finds the right radio channel. She quickly relays the message, before handing the radio back to Finn.

"There. You happy?"

"Very much so," Finn grimaces, and puts the radio back into his backpack. "I'm going to put my gun down now," Finn unnecessarily describes his actions. He still keeps the gun in his hands, but points it to the ground instead of at the woman's face. "You don't need to be afraid of us."

The brunette just huffs in indignation.

"Do I look like I'm afraid to you?"

"No, you don't. I wonder why that is..." Finn trails off, but the brunette doesn't dignify him with an answer. "Do you live here or did you just pass by the town?"

"In Leno? This place is a dump. I was just stocking up on our supply. We set camp a couple of miles from here."

"We?"

"Me and my family."

Elyza feels a pang of pain in her chest at her words. Sometimes she is surprised that people still had that. _Families_. She lost hers a long fucking time ago. It hurt even thinking about them.

"How many of you are there?"

"What is this? An inquisition? I'm not going to tell you jack shit."

"Just curious."

"Sure, just casually trying to find out if you can raid my family or if it is too much of a risk. I know people like you."

"People like me?"

The brunette opens her mouth, eager to insult Finn again, but instead she closes it again without any words finding their way out. Instead for the first time she really looks at Finn. Her eyes wander over Finn, she takes in every little detail of his body. Something akin to recognition flashes in her eyes, Finn raises his eyebrows at that.

"Do I know you?" Finn asks his voice wavering for the first time.

The woman straightens up and takes a timid step towards them.

"I don't know? You tell me: have you ambushed many unarmed women lately? Maybe I remind you of one of your former victims."

"This is not... We are not- _chyort_ , woman. We don't want to hurt you. We just want some information, alright? No need to get your panties in a twist for fucks sake."

"I'm not-"

They are staring at each other, both seething in anger. This is not going very well, they are wasting valuable time, in which Octavia could be badly hurt or captured and held hostage. Elyza needs to do something to stop them from attacking each other, because they look like they are about to get into a nasty fight.

One Finn would most definitely win, with a gun pointed at the stranger and all that.

"Finn, can we please just get the information and get out of here," Elyza finally finds her voice again. Finn nods without looking at her. He takes a couple of seconds to compose himself, before addressing the woman.

"Anyway, we are here for the Blues. You seen them around lately?"

"What do you want with those idiots?"

"Just answer my question."

"No, they haven't been around for some time. Thank God, I have never seen a more disorganized, self-righteous lot of intolerant and misogynistic nitwits before."

"I don't think we're talking about the same people here."

"I'm pretty sure we are. A bunch of half-grown manchilds in stupid uniforms and a bright, blue helmet."

Finn remains silent.

"But Wells would never..." he finally says.

"General Jaha is dead. His own _kru_  killed him." Finn stumbles a few steps back, his back roughly slamming into the concrete wall. He is shaking his head violently. The stranger just continues with a dishonest apology. "I'm sorry. Like I said, they are nothing more than a band of crazed monkeys running around thinking the world belongs to them now. They left Leno about a week ago."

"Fuck, he can't be gone... he was the last one that-," Finn mumbles to himself, before he straightens up. He runs a hand over his eyes and wipes any sign of emotion from his face. "Did they at least bury him?"

"Yeah, somewhere behind the school."

"Thank you. Again I'm sorry about the inconvenience, seems like we bothered you for nothing... like I said we are not thieves, your stuff is still outside, we are not going to take anything from you."

"How gracious," the woman scoffs.

They stare at each other, each about to get right into it again, but finally Finn just shakes his head and turns around. Finn walks right by Elyza, his arm brushing into Elyza's shoulder.

"Come on, Elyza. We need to go."

"Just one second."

She turns back towards the stranger, who is watching her intently. She doesn't think she has ever meet somebody that looked at her the way this woman did. Like she fucking knew her or something.

"I'm looking for somebody. A woman, about my height and age, long dark brown hair and she always wears this stupid red beret which looks just ridiculous if you ask me... oh and she loves to wear leather," she trails off barely able to contain her worry.

The brunette watches her without saying anything. With a sigh Elyza nods and turns around to follow Finn who is already out of the room and about to leave the building.

"Wait," the woman calls after them. "I might know somebody like that. A week ago, we found a girl in the woods, Octavia or something. She was half starved and looking for her friend. I assume that's you?"


	2. Meeting the Family

Elyza has met a lot of intimidating people before but nobody holds a candle to Anya, the stranger's sister. She waits for them just outside the town. After a short side trip to the school and the grave of the former leader of the Blue Helmets, they meet up with her. Finn looks heartbroken throughout the whole ordeal, she doesn't know the story of him and General Wells, but it is obvious that he meant a lot to Finn. 

He doesn't even raise his weapon at Anya, who greets them with her rifle. She too wears dark paint on her face and her mouth is pulled back with apparent contempt. For a short moment Elyza fears that the tables have turned and now _they_ are the prisoners. 

"It's alright, Anya. They are friends."

Elyza sighs a breath of relief, when Anya lowers the gun and her facial expression relaxes somewhat. Raccoon eyes briefly explains what happened and that they are headed to their camp to meet with Octavia.

Anya only nods. 

She slings the rifle around her shoulder again and gives both of the a curt nod. 

"Have either of you seen the Moon Man or what's his face," she asks without any preamble. "The crazy one of the Plissken Brothers. Well who am I kidding they have all lost it, but I'm looking for the one who's in charge."

"Jack," her sister helps her out.

"Exactly, fucking Jack Plissken."

"I have never heard any of those names," Elyza says slowly. What she doesn't say is that the names do sound kind of familiar, though Elyza isn't sure where she has heard them before. "What do you want with them?"

"I have a score to settle with them," is all that Anya says, before she turns away and starts moving. "You coming?"

Elyza ends up walking next to the brunette woman, while Finn hangs back and walks behind them. At first it is Anya that leads the group, but after some time she falls back and instead keeps in step with Finn. They don't talk, but Anya keeps on eyeing Finn suspiciously. 

"So, Octavia is back at your camp?" Eliza asks, when the silence grows larger and larger. 

"Our home, yes."

"Is she hurt? How did she end up with you? Did she look for me? Did you-"

"Wow, one question at a time. She's not hurt, She's doing pretty well as far as I can tell. She even found a special friend... if you know what I mean." The stranger winks at Elyza knowingly.

"She, um- what?"

"I'm sure she will tell you all about it once we come home. She sure loved to talk, doesn't she?"

Elyza remembers the long nights they spent sitting at campfires and talking about everything and nothing. Octavia did have a lot of opinions and wasn't shy about sharing them. She misses her so much. Thank God she is about to see her again, thanks to- only now she realizes that she doesn't even know her companions name. 

"You never told us your name."

"You never asked," the woman just retorts with a short smile. 

Elyza realizes she is right. They were so busy holding the woman hostage that they never even bothered to ask her for her name. 

"So, what's your name?"

"It's Alicia. Alicia Clark," she grins.

For a moment Elyza is stunned into silence. The name sounds so familiar, so intimate coming off the other's lips. The way Alicia pronounces it makes Elyza's insides tingle; her heart starts beating furiously in her chest and her cheeks burn up. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head softly, this is ridiculous. She can't explain where the feelings are coming from and isn't sure if she wants to find out. Looking up to meet Alicia's eyes she continues to introduce herself. 

"Nice to meet you, Alicia. I'm-"

"Elyza," Alicia interjects, before she can finish her introduction. Alicia rejoices in the astonished look on her face. "Your friend just loves saying your name. Maybe not as much as waving his gun in my face, but still..."

"Right."

Alicia shoots a quick glance back and Elyza follows her gaze at their two companions, who walk a couple of meters behind them. They don't talk; Finn stares right ahead, while Anya watches them warily. Elyza smiles at Finn, who returns her smile with a pained expression clouding his face.

Finn didn't want to go with the siblings. They had a big argument about it right in front of the them. Finn openly proclaimed that he didn't trust either of them and they should just keep to themselves. No wonder Alicia didn't like him. Finn has been beyond rude to both her and her sister. If their positions were reversed, Elyza doesn't think she'd feel any different about Finn.

But she knows Finn and even though he can be rude at times, his heat is at the right place.  

"To be perfectly honest," Alicia says in a hushed whisper, "I don't get the two of you. This Finn guy is like a disaster waiting to happen. I only know him for an hour and I'm already looking forward to the moment he's gone."

"He is my friend."

"Is he?" Alicia asks with narrow eyes.

"Yes. He cares for me and I care for him. He saved me so many times I don't know how I could ever repay him. I understand where you are coming from. He can be intense at times-"

Alicia laughs out loud. It's not a pretty laugh.

"That's one way to put it. Homicidal is another."

Elyza just ignores her comment. She knows him better; she has to admit that it indeed  took her a long time to be able to trust Finn, but once they got over their initial difficulties, she realized that Finn was loyal as a dog and just the right friend to have in a freaking zombies apocalypse. He could handle any weapon imaginable; she had even seen him shoot a fucking crossbow.

"He's just very... careful with who he trusts, but once he decides you are worthy of being his friend, he'd give her life for you without blinking an eye."

Alicia turns around again, only to find Finn eyeing them suspiciously. Elyza suspects that Finn has heard at least part of their conversation; his exceptional hearing had saved their lives on multiple occasions.

Elyza uses the moment to give Alicia a once over.

She carries the huge military backpack that their relieved her off before on her back. Elyza has lifted the backpack before, it is fucking heavy, but Alicia doesn't even seem to notice. They keep a fast pace, quickly nearing their destination. She has legs that go on for days and are clad in a ripped skinny jeans. Elyza wonders if this is a fashion thing (which would be ridiculous, because let's face it this world isn't really the place to care about fashion) or if just she doesn't have another pair of jeans. She's wearing a dark leather jacket that has a lot of different patches sewed on the arms. Elyza can't tell what they are about, because they are all in Russian. 

The one that stands out the most though is a black and white patch on her upper arm that looks like an insignia of some sorts. The symbol looks very similar to the bio-hazard sign she still remembers from when she was nothing more than a med student working her ass off to get good grades. It is similar, but still very different, the patch is more delicate, more natural.

She wonders if it means something to Alicia. 

Her dark hair is perfectly braided into delicate strands that decorate her head. The hairdo looks elaborate, like it took someone hours to get it done. Alicia isn't wearing the face mask any longer. After they made her take it off in the house, she never put it on again. Elyza is thankful for that, because now she can admire her whole face and not only her piercing eyes. And damn, she is probably the prettiest girl Elyza has seen in a long fucking time. She remembers the way she felt her up and feels the blood rush up to her face.

Again.

Something pokes her upper arm and Elyza winces. Alicia is looking at her expectantly.

"Huh?" she asks really fucking eloquently. _Way to go, Elyza_.

"I asked you a question. Are you okay? You seem kind of out of it."

"Yeah, yeah, I was just... it doesn't even matter. What did you ask me?"

"I asked you if you were hungry."

"Umm, not particularly no. We had lunch or dinner or whatever just before we came into town." Elyza bites her lips. "Why are you asking?"

"Oh, no reason at all," Alicia smirks at her. Her eyes wander over Elyza's body taking all of her in, before continuing. "It's just, I noticed you looking at me... you know, there is this glint in your eyes, when you look at me... like you are hungry."

"Um... I... ehmm," Elyza tries to find words, but comes up short. Her mouth goes dry and she quickly averts her gaze, feeling the familiar blush coloring her whole face beet red.

"... like you wanna eat me."

~*~*~

Alicia's home is a pretty and huge cottage home with two barns in the vicinity of another village Elyza doesn't know the name of. Again she curses herself for not taking Finn up on the language lessons he had offered her. Whenever they arrived at a new place, she has to ask Finn for the name, because she isn't able to read the stupid signs. Damn them Russians for having a different alphabet. 

People come pouring out of the house, when they arrive. There are even children here; Elyza doesn't think she has seen a child since day fifty-ish after the breakout. The kids and the elderly were the first to fall victim to the disease. Their cries still reverberate in her mind sometimes. She still remembers one of the soldiers crying after he had to kill one of the smaller kids to prevent her from turning. That was the worst... knowing they were gone past the point of saving, while their bodies kept on moving and breathing. In the first days they still look so much like their old, human selves - that changes quickly though. 

One of the kids jumps at Anya and the stoic woman leans down to lift the small girl up and spins her around. Her laugh echoes around the square between the house and the barns. Other people also slowly make their way towards them and build a half circle around them. A young woman comes up to Alicia and hugs her tightly. 

Elyza watches the lot of them greet their family. She is disappointed when she doesn't spot Octavia among the others. She needs to see her; she needs to know that she is safe. 

She wants nothing more than to inquire after her friend, to find out where they were at; but at the same time she doesn't want to disturb the emotional homecoming. She knows how hard it is to have friends out there and not know if they are still alive, she knows the joy of seeing them and being able to hold them close again. Finn takes a step towards her, and comes to a halt right next to Elyza. Their arms brush against each other. 

Finn smiles at her. 

"Thank you for coming with me," Elyza says quietly. 

"I promised you we'd find Octavia. I promised to bring you home." Elyza feels tears well in her eyes. She is so lucky to have found Finn. In the few days they spent together, they grew pretty damn close. "But I wouldn't mind if we left rather sooner than later, these people give me the creeps."

Elyza suppresses the urge to roll her eyes at Finn. 

"Everybody gives you the creeps."

"You don't."

Elyza takes his hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. Finn looks down at her with a look she can't really place, but he returns the light pressure. Alicia clears her throat. Elyza quickly loosens her hold on Finn and moves her hand to the strap of her backpack. For some weird reason she feels caught. She shifts from one foot to the other and waits for Alicia to say something. 

"We have two very special friends with us today," Alicia says loud enough for everybody to hear. Most people are still scattered around the square in between the houses and slowly come closer to listen to the brunette. "Finn and Elyza. We met them in Leno. Elyza is looking for her friend. Octavia. If one of you would be so kind to fetch her, I'm sure Elyza is dying to see her friend again."

Nobody moves.

"Titus, why don't go you to the, you know the guest quarters and fetch her," Alicia addresses a bald man that is standing very close to her. He is wearing long brown robes and blinks at the brunette. 

"Heda-"

"Just do it," Alicia hisses. Elyza feels Finn tense next to her. Something is off, even she notices that. She tries to meet Alicia's eyes, but the woman is not looking at her. 

"I'm on it."

The lanky guy quickly rushes off into the direction off the house. 

"Great," Alicia turns towards Elyza and Finn with a huge toothy smile on her face. "I'm sure you want to wash yourself or at least changed into something... not so dirty. Indra, why don't you show our guests up to the room?"

"Wait, wait," Finn snaps. "The room? I'm not going to just follow this fucking  _eblan_ anywhere. Elyza, get your friend and we leave."

Before Elyza can respond though, Alicia takes a step forward. The smile is gone from her face, instead every muscles is tensed, she pulls her mouth into a thin line and comes to a stop in front of Finn. There are only inches between them.

"That is exactly what you are going to do, _Finn_." The name sounds like venom on Alicia 's lips. Elyza feels a cold shiver run down her back. Something is going very, very wrong. She glances over at her friend. Finn seems taken aback. He blinks at Alicia, and his hands quickly move towards the weapon on his back. 

"Don't you fucking dare. If you so much as touch the gun, you are dead."

If looks could kill, both Finn and Alicia would drop dead right this second. All at once the people surrounding them draw their weapons and point them at Finn and Elyza. Nobody says a word, they just wordlessly take their weapons and angle them at the two of them.

Elyza feels the betrayal burn deep in her heart, she fucking trusted Alicia. She believed her, when she told her that Octavia was with them. She trusted her. The brunette never gave her any reason not to trust her. Elyza always believed she was rather good at reading people. Apparently she was wrong. And this mistake could cost them both of their lives. 

Slowly Elyza moves her hands over her head. Her arms shake from both anxiety and fury. Finn is still frozen to the spot, his hands hovering over the cold metal of his rifle.  

"Don't", Alicia warns him again without breaking their eye contact. She has taken a step back again, her arms balled to fists next to her body. She's one of the few that isn't pointing her gun at them. "Don't make them shoot you, because they will trust me. I'd hate for our little rendezvous to end like this."

Finn finally drops his hands. Defeated he stares at Alicia. 

"Who are you?" Finn asks his Russian accent suddenly thicker, more obvious. It always showed, when he became agitated. Elyza has witnessed this before - the last time ended with Finn shooting a bullet through a guys head. 

Alicia takes long to answer. She takes a step back, and watches both Finn and Elyza with a calculated smile. She laughs darkly. She is like a completely different person now. Finn just stares at her, very obviously picking his mind where he is supposed to know her from.  

"I'm your justice, _ripa_. I know who you are and what you did. And you are not going to get away with your crimes. Not again."

"You're with Wallace."

Alicia makes an indignant sound and spits on the ground. 

"Never."

"Then who are you with?"

"Heda owes you no explanations, _ripa,_ " Anya says as she steps forward and comes to a stop right in front of him. She spits at his feet, before she looks him up and down. "Not you, not anybody."

Finn moves, before anybody realizes what is happening. He lunges for Anya, who is only inches away from him. He wraps an arm around her middle and pulls her towards him turning the woman around, so that her back is facing him. His other arm comes up to her throat, a knife reflecting the sunlight as he presses it into her flesh. Elyza never even noticed him drawing the knife. 

"Finn, no!", Elyza shouts, when she hears the first shoot. 

A loud cry escapes Elyza's lips and she almost unconsciously moves towards Finn. Strong arms hold her back. Everything is happening so fast. She expects Finn to go down, but the bullet never hits him. Either it was a warning or whoever took fired the gun was a lousy shot. Finn doesn't seem hurt at all, instead he glares at Alicia. 

"One wrong move and your dear sister dies," he hollers. He presses the blade harder into Anya's throat and blood starts to spill. 

Alicia hasn't moved or shown any sign of distress, but her eyes betray her feelings. She doesn't take her eyes off Anya for one second. She bites her lips and raises her arms above her head.

" _Chil yo daun_ , nobody shoots." The others slowly lower their weapons. Alicia takes a few cautions steps to her right, away from Finn. "Stand down. Everybody. _Chil yo daun_. What do you want, Finn _kom maun_?"

"I'm no Mountain Men. I don't have any allegiances, not anymore. I mean you no harm, let us go and she lives."

"Lies," Anya spits. "Nothing but lies."

"Be quiet, _devushka_. And you," he looks around meeting the eye of the other people, "if you want her to survive, you will put down your weapons."

Nobody moves.

"So you can kill us?" Alicia asks darkly. "I know who you are Finn, _ripa gon goufas en elder_." She keeps on moving circles around Finn and his hostage. "You are  _kom maun_ , you are a bringer of death, you are a murderer of the innocent. You massacred my people, you killed our children."

"Innocent? Nobody is innocent in this world," Finn snorts. Anya struggles in his grip and he pulls her further into him, his fingers burying into her side. "Elyza, don't believe a word of what they say. They are nothing but savages."

"Savages? That's rich coming from you." Alicia laughs as she takes another step forward.

Elyza is paralyzed; a strong arm is still holding her back, so she doesn't even notice Alicia moving closer to where she is standing. Their arms brush against each other for a second, before she feels Alicia's hands bury themselves into her upper arm pulling her away from the men that's holding her. 

Whoever was holding her captive, releases her and suddenly she is pressed into a smaller, softer body. Another hand loops itself around her torso pulling her back. Cold steel touches her throat and ghosts over Elyza's skin. Her stomach drops and she feels close to fainting. Elyza doesn't even struggle against the stone hard grip. She doesn't beg, she doesn't say anything. 

Her mind is blank.

She senses Alicia's warm breath at her neck and feels like throwing up. 

"Put the knife down or your friend dies," Alica demands. She is so close, her voice so loud, so determined, so cold. It is all so much, too much. Elyza closes her eyes, she can't stand to look at Finn or at the other's any longer.

This is where she dies. This is it, after months and weeks and days of surviving, of living though this shit, this is it. 

Finn laughs darkly. His knife draws blood again, as he slashes it over Anya's skin. Dark blood runs in line down her throat coulouring her shirt in red. Anya hisses and tries to wriggled out of Finn's move. When he presses the blade deeper into her flesh and whispers something in her ear, she halts. 

He looks up. 

"Do you really think I care?" he says. "She means nothing to me."

"Oh, doesn't she?"

"She's just somebody I picked up on the road. She's nice to look at, yknow... that's all. The only reason I ever helped her was because I was hoping for a bit of gratitude sex for helping her find her friend, but I guess it's too late for that anyways. Go on and kill her, it doesn't make a difference to me."

Elyza is taken aback by his words.

Finn, her _Finn_ , her friend, her companion. She meets his eyes and sees the pain in them, he can't be serious. He can't be so cold. He can't have done all of this to just get into her pants. Not after all they lived through together. He never even had tried to make any advances, she remember how he told her about another girl, a girl he grew up with once. About how he was still looking for her. 

It can't have all been lies. She refuses to believe that.

He isn't even looking at her. His head is frantically looking from one gun barrel to the next. She tries to tell herself that he has a plan, that this is him protecting her by pretending to not care about her at all.

Alica laughs deeply.

Elyza can feel the vibrations of her chest, that is still pressed into her. She feels the warmth and softness of her breasts in her back. Alicia moves forward, moves even more into her and if Elyza were to turn her head slightly to the right, she'd come face to face with the other woman. Her breath ghosts over Elyza's ear. "He doesn't even care if you live or you die, _hodnes._ You are nothing to him."

Elyza opens her mouth to say something, but no words make it out. 

The blade presses into her skin again and she doesn't dare to move. She's never been more afraid before.

The zombies weren't the real monsters, no _they_ were the monsters. The humans, the wicked and malicious men and women that were still left on this earth. The ones that killed without feeling remorse, the ones that only ever cared about themselves. The ones that spilled blood without wasting a thought on whose it was.

Anya suddenly moves in Finn's grip. Her hands go up to push the arm that is holding the blade to her throat away. Finn is surprised at first, but quickly recovers. The blade slashes through skin and blood runs down Anya's arm. She cries out, but doesn't loosen her hold on him, she half turns in his grasp and kicks him in the leg. Finn stumbles back, still clawing for the other woman. 

Blood runs down Anya's throat and arm, reddening her shirt, but she doesn't seem to care. Her eyes are glazed as she lunges for him and they topple to the ground. The knife falls down and Finn is left basically defenseless. A low groan escapes Anya as she angles her body upwards and her fist collides with his face. Finn's head recoils, meeting the hard ground. Before he can react or defend himself, another fist strikes him.

Anya is breathing heavily as she sits atop Finn; she moves her arm back to hit him again, when a loud voice interrupts her. 

" _Ste back_ , Anya," Alica says and moves the blade away, as she loosens her hold on Elyza; the blade disappears from her throat and for the first time it feels like she can breath again without having to fear her throat get slashed. 

Dutifully Anya nods, and gets up. She stands motionless over the seemingly dead body of Finn. His face is bloody and dirty and he isn't moving any longer. Elyza shakes her head. He can't be. _No_. _No_. He can't be dead.  

"Is he dead?" It is Alicia's voice that breaks the silence. There is no emotion in it. Nothing. 

Anya kneels down next to the unconscious figure of Finn to check his pulse. Her hand is bloody, so is Finn's face. After a couple of seconds she gets up and nods at her sister. "Still breathing."

"Good, I'm not done with him yet. It would be a shame for him to die without feeling the pain he made them go through. Wake him up. He will be conscious, when he receives his punishment."

"Please Alicia," Elyza hears herself beg. 

Alicia steps around her and softly shoves her back. Elyza stumbles and falls into the hard body of somebody else; strong hands hold her steady, hold her captive. 

"You still care for him? Even after he was ready to let you die for his crimes?"

"I don't- he didn't..." Elyza is at loss for words. She doesn't know anything anymore. She knows him, Finn is her friend; he risked his life for hers on multiple occasions. Finn cares. But still he would have let her die. He said as much. Tears well in her eyes, when she looks at his lifeless figure on the ground. She shakes her head. No, she can't be weak now. Not in front of _them_. Not in front of the enemy. "What about Octavia... is she here? Did you lie about her too?"

"I never lied to you, Elyza. We did take your friend in, no harm has come to her. I merely neglected to mention that she left with one of my brothers to look for you. She cares deeply about you."

"So, you used me. You used me to get what you want."

"I will not deny that."

Elyza tries to wriggle out of the man's grip, but her attempt is fruitless. He is too strong and his hands only tighten around her. 

"Let me go," she shouts, "let me fucking go."

"I'm sorry about this, Elyza," Alicia says, while she doesn't look sorry at all. She moves towards her, their bodies nearly touching. She lifts her hand to push a stray strand of hair out of her face. Her fingers brush over Elyza's cheeks. "Nobody will hurt you. You are not at fault here, my fight is not with you."

"Fuck you," Elyza growls. 

"When this is over, you will be free to go. We can help you find Octavia."

"I don't want your help."

She spits at Alicia's face, because that's all she can do. Her whole body is shaking from this feeling of helplessness. Fingers dig into her skin and she cries out in pain. She tries to kick at the woman, but Alicia swiftly dodges the kick. 

Her eyes never leave Elyza as she uses the hem of her shirt to wipe her face with. Elyza can't really help but look down, when the fabric lifts, and she gets a good look of the toned stomach beneath. Again she tries to kick Alicia, but only kicks at the air. 

"Gustus, check her for hidden weapons and then handcuff her." The man behind her grunts in acceptance. "I'm sorry,  _strik gona_. I apologize, but you leave us no choice, if you continue to behave like this."

She nods at the guy behind Elyza, before she turns around. 

Finn is still lying on the ground. They have treated his wounds and she can spot somebody with a green medical gown kneel down next to him and plunge a syringe into his arm. 

"Don't!" Elyza shouts. "Please, I beg of you... don't hurt him, don't... don't kill him. I'm sure this is all just a huge misunderstanding. Finn would never-"

One last time Alicia turns around and looks at her thoughtfully. 

"You will understand soon enough."

~*~*~

Only minutes later they have strung up Finn on a wooden pole in the middle of the square. He is still somewhat out of it and blinks at the people surrounding him. They haven't cleaned the blood of his body, his face is swollen and his nose looks broken. Tears are streaming down his cheeks and he is whimpering. 

"Please, you have to help him. He is in pain. Can't you see that?" Elyza shouts, but nobody is paying any attention to her.

"You know nothing about pain, girl. Neither does he," her otherwise silent guard says. Gustus is still guarding Elyza. She is in handcuffs and they have taken everything from her but the clothes she wears. Gustus stands next to her and he clutches her upper arm. His grip has softened somewhat, but Elyza still knows that there is no way to escape. "Not yet."

A shiver runs down her spine at his words. 

Alicia steps forward and she looks different now. She is wearing some kind of cape that falls down from her left shoulder. A katana is slung around her back and she raises and arm. Almost immediately the square falls silent. 

"We are gathered here today to bring justice to our family. Not to long ago a group of raiders slaughtered our village. They came, when the night fell, they hid in the shadows and executed our brother, our sisters, our children and our lovers. For too long we have been searching for the miscreants who flooded our streets with blood. Today I stand in front of you, to tell you that the time for justice has come.

"Tonight a debt will be paid, before the fire burns away the deeds of the past."

She steps forward and looks directly at Finn, who hasn't shown any reaction to her words.

"Finn  _kom maun,_ you are accused of the killing of eighteen of my people. Children, unarmed men and women. You and your people killed them in cold blood, you killed them for fun, you killed them without any remorse or compassion. Your deeds will not go unpunished. We are your justice,  _ripa gon goufas en elder._ Blood will have blood."

" _Jus drein jus daun_ ," the words repeated over an over. The assembled crowd chants them again and again. They raise their fists together with their voices. The words echos in Elyza's head and she wants nothing more than cover her ears with her hands. Her hands start to shake uncontrollably. " _Jus drein jus daun_!"

Alicia lifts one hand in the air and it grows quiet again. 

"Your punishment is to feel the pain you have inflicted upon others; you are to suffer through the death by a thousand knifes. _Jus drein jus draun_ , you are to pay for your crimes with your blood. You have killed eighteen of our people, you have bathed in their blood and now we will draw yours."

Alicia takes a step forward and lets her eyes wander over the boy in front of her. He looks miserable, his clothes are dirty and bloodied and he is still whimpering and silently talking to himself. Alicia leans down and gets a knife out of a strap around her leg. It is no ordinary knife, there are ornaments and engravings decorating the handle. 

She raises her hand and Finn jerks back, but there is nowhere to go. The knife slices through Finn's shirt and Alicia rips it away from his body. He is left half naked and with a trembling body. He tries to move again, but the shackles keep him in place. 

"Do you have any last words, _ripa_?"

For the first time he looks up, but he doesn't look at Alicia or any of the other people, instead he looks straight at Elyza. His eyes are bloodshot and the skin around his left eyes is swollen and purple. He blinks at her.  

"I'm sorry," he breathes. "It wasn't me, it was him... Wallace- he made me do it. I never meant to hurt those kids. Every day I see their faces, every day I hear their cries. Please, please don't kill me."

Elyza feels her heart break at the sight of him. She always knew that he had a past, all of them did. They did what they had to do to survive. Finn had always been somewhat broken, but this, he didn't deserve this. Nobody deserved this. 

"Please," she begs. "Please, help him."

"He lost his way a long time ago, the _ripa_ is far beyond saving," Gustus says simply. 

Alicia runs the tips of her fingers over the blade, as she watches Finn. 

" _Jus drein jus daun_ ," her voice is low as Alicia slices through Finn's skin. He cries out in pain, while Alicia ever so slowly lets the blade slide through his flesh. His body jerks and he tries to move his body away, but that only makes Alicia press the knife harder into him. "Blood will have blood."

Elyza whimpers, as her knees buckle. She falls to the ground, as Anya steps forward to take the knife from Alicia. Her words are colder, and Finn's screams louder. Elyza can't bear to look at him any longer, she only hear his cries, his pain.

Another one steps forward to take the knife and draw blood from his body. 

"How, how is this justice?" Elyza whispers. "How can this be justice?" 

"This is our way, _hodnes,"_ Alicia says as she kneels down next to her. She is so close that Elyza can feel the warmth radiating form her body. "There are no governments any longer, no jurys, no courts, we make our own laws. He who spills the blood of the innocent, has to pay with his own. It is the only way to appease the dead."

"That's crazy."

Alicia shrugs, as Finn cries out again. 

"She doesn't need to see this," Alicia addresses Gustus. "Help her get inside. A bath might do her some good after the day she has had. I will come to meet you, when the ceremony is over."

"I thought you said you were going to let me go?"

"I will. Once the ceremony is over."

Elyza makes the mistake to look up. She tries to avert her gaze, but her eyes come upon Finn almost at once. His whole torso is bloody, slash wounds cover most of his skin. His hair is sweaty and sticks to his head. She feels like she is about to be physically sick. Her stomach turns and tears run down her cheeks. 

"Please, make it stop," she begs. "Please."

Alicia just shakes her head. 

"He has to pay for his sins."

"Come on, girl," Gustus says as he helps her up. "Get up, so we-"

"Heda! Heda!" a shrill shout suddenly interrupts the ceremony. Everybody turns around and makes way for a small girl that comes running at them. She is breathless, when she arrives. She wears a rifle on her back that is almost as long as she is tall. "Heda! It's them! The Men from the Mountain! They have come to kill us!"

All hell breaks loose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that escalated quickly.


	3. Everybody Dies Alone

People are running around the square like headless chickens and shout at each other. An older man ushers all the smaller kids together and disappears with them into the woods, while most of the others prepare to fight. Rifles are fetched and barricades built, while people look for cover. Gustus takes the handcuffs off Elyza and she rubs at her wrists. Her eyes are glued to Finn, who is still tied to the pole and shouts for help, while people run around him and ignore his cries for somebody to come to his aid.

Elyza is just about to run for him, when Gustus grabs her arm again.

"He is not yours to free," he says plainly. 

"Please, you can't just leave him there. He will bleed to death, please." 

Gustus just shakes his head and looks at her with hard eyes. Behind her she can hear Alicia sigh loudly and mutter something she can't really make out. Alicia gets the katana off her back and moves towards Finn. 

"Don't kill him!"

Alicia doesn't turn around. Elyza threshes in Gustus' hold, but he's like a fucking mountain. She is helpless. Again. She bites into his arm, but he doesn't even flinch. Right in front of Finn Alicia comes to a stop and raises the katana. 

"Today is your lucky day, _ripa,"_ Alicia says as she cuts through the rope that binds Finn to the stake. He falls to the ground. "You _friends_ are coming, I don't know how they know about us being here, we only moved a few days ago, but alas they are here and they are out for blood."

"W- Wallace?" Finn asks with a weak voice. 

"Yes, the devil himself. If what you say is true and they are no longer your _kru_ , I suggest you run as far as your legs will take you. I will not allow that beast to have you. Titus, get him in the hatchback, before he bleeds out, and drop him off once it is safe."

"Th- thank you," Finn whispers as he struggles to get up. He groans as he uses the stake to hoist himself up. His body is shaking from the exertion and his face is even paler than normal. He looks about to pass out. With the last of his strength Finn tries to grasp Alicia, but she swiftly moves away, before he can reach her. His hand loses its fight against gravity and uselessly falls down next to him. 

"I really am sorry for what I've done," he says weakly. "He made me into that, into a monster. A _reaper_. I am not that... monster any longer."

Alicia bites her lip, but nods at him. 

"You will not get any forgiveness from me. I will and cannot grant you absolution, just- don't make me regret this, Finn."

"I promise."

Titus grabs him and shoves him towards the house. It is only now that Elyza finds her feet again and stumbles towards Finn. He doesn't even seem to notice her at first.  

"Finn," Elyza whispers as he passes her. "Oh my god, Finn."

"Hey," he grins for a second, before the pain sets in again. "I'm so sorry you had to witness this, princess. I never meant for you to get hurt."

"Oh Finn..."

"We don't have time to get all touchy-feely now," Alicia interrupts, "get him to the car, Titus."

"I will go with him," Elyza declares, while she stands up tall.

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will. You told me that I'm not your prisoner. I want to got with him."

"The hatchback only carries two people, and you don't know the terrain as well as Titus does," Alicia explains slowly. "They will go together."

"I don't-" Elyza protests.

"It's okay, _myshka_. May we meet again," Finn says. 

He looks about to pass out, and they can't have that, not before he is safe. So she smiles at him; it takes some work, because there are still so much doubts in her head, so much uncertainty, but when he smiles back, relief floods through her.

Finn isn't dead. 

"I would hug you, but-" She gestures at his wounded body. He half smiles at Elyza. 

"Yeah."

And then he's gone.

The bald, lanky guy drags him away and only seconds later they disappear behind the farmhouse, where the car is waiting for them. For a moment Elyza only stares at the spot where she'd last seen them. A soft hand touches her arm, and she flinches. 

"Hey," Alicia says softly. "We don't have much time. Gustus will help you to get to safety. Your friend, Octavia is headed for the sea, they are meeting one of Lincoln's friends there in hopes of getting information about your whereabouts. Gustus can show you the way, if you want him to."

"No, Heda," the tall man shakes his head. "You are coming with us. I will not leave you alone."

Alicia smiles as she hugs him. She looks ridiculously short next to Gustus who is still shaking his head, as they release each other. 

"I will stay and fight," Alicia says, "she is your responsibility now, Gustus. I order you to get Elyza to safety. I am your commander and you are still my subordinate, never forget that."

"They will kill you."

"Then they kill me. Nobody can cheat death, _ai hodnes_. When my times comes, I will be ready to let go."

"No, 'Licia-"

His words are cut short, when his body suddenly falls back. He is dead, even before his body meets the ground. Blood spills out from the wound in his head. The bullet hit him straight between the eyes. 

Alicia is paralyzed, as she blinks at the dead body of her friend. None of them even heard the shot. 

Elyza kneels down next to him and checks his pulse. She closes her eyes for a moment and shakes her head. He is gone. She tries to fell sorry, but she can't bring herself to mourn Gustus death, he was ready to let Finn die, he wanted Finn dead. Unbeknownst to Alicia she moves her hand to his belt and gets her hands on a small gun that quickly disappears into her own clothes. 

" _Yu gonplei ste odon_ , Gustus," Alicia whispers and looks close to breaking down. She stares at the dead man in front her, her eyes blinking frantically, before she runs a hand over her eyes and straightens up. She holds a hand out for Elyza to grab. "We need to get out of here. Follow me! I will get you to safety."

Taking the offered hand Elyza gets up and follows Alicia into uncharted territory.  

~*~*~

They have been running for what feels like hours, Elyza's legs have started to burn and her eyes threaten to fall close now that the adrenaline is gone and exhaustion sets in. For some reason Alicia is still holding onto her hand, as she guides her through the thick forest. It's been miles since they last heard the shots and voices, but Alicia just doesn't stop running. 

"I can't go on, I need a break, just a short rest to catch my breath."

Alicia slows down and finally stops. She examines Elyza for a moment, before she lets go of her hand and nods. 

"Only for a second," she says," there should be a pond somewhere around here, where we can find water. Let's try to located it and rest there."

Elyza agrees, and only now realizes how much she longs for something to drink. Her mouth feels dry and she feels dizzy. It's been some time since she has last drunken something. She follows Alicia and feels the loss of her hand acutely. She doesn't even like Alicia, far from it, but somehow her hand, the feeling of warm skin pressing against her hand, has made her feel safe. 

She chides herself for feeling like this. 

Alicia is still the woman who cuffed her and made her watch while they tortured her friend; Alicia didn't care about her then, and she certainly didn't care about her now. She isn't sure what exactly the woman's agenda is, but Elyza knows that she will run away the first chance she gets.

"Found it", Alicia grins at her and grasps for her hand again to pull her along. Elyza stumbles after her as they make their way into a clearing. Even from afar Elyza spots the small pond in the middle of it. The sun softly reflects in the surface of the water, and the grass glows a bright green in the mild afternoon sun. 

Alicia stops in the middle of the clearing and takes a deep breath, inhaling the nature around them.

Elyza awkwardly stands next to her still holding her hand and not sure what she is supposed to do now. She watches Alicia's face that for the first time looks like she remembers, when they first met. Young and carefree. She is beautiful like this. Elyza moves her fingers over the gun that is hidden inside her trousers. 

She flinches, when Alicia touches her shoulder. 

"Come on, let's sit down there."

They sit down at the edge of the water. Alicia gets her backpack off her back and after a few moments of rummaging through it, she hands Elyza a cereal bar. Elyza accepts the gift, even though she isn't sure if her stomach is ready for some food yet. She still feels nauseous and whenever she closes her eyes, she can see Finn's bloodied figure in front of her inner eye. 

The brunette take an empty water canteen into her hands and moves towards the pond to fill it. Elyza watches as she kneels down and slowly lets the canteen fill up. Almost automatically her hands find their way to the hidden weapon inside her trousers. She lets her fingers ghost over the shape of the Derringer. Alicia seems to trust her and as far as Elyza can tell she is unarmed except for the shining katana on her back. She has actually never even seen the other woman touch a firearm before. 

"Here," Alicia's words make her snap out of the trance she's found herself in. "I purified it with some tablets, don't worry you won't get sick from it."

Elyza nods and takes a timid sip from the canteen.

Alicia sits down again and gets another cereal bar out of it. Hungrily she unwraps it and bites a huge chunk out of the bar. A low moan escapes her lips and Alicia grins sheepishly at her. "Have you tried yours yet? They are delicious."

"I'm not hungry."

"Then keep it for later, we still have a long way to go. If you want, we can try to find Fi- your friend. I think I know exactly where Titus drove him to. Or we can go east to look for Octavia. It's your choice."

Elyza takes a deep breath. 

"I don't know."

"How do you mean?"

"I, just... I don't trust you, no offense, but all you did up to this point is use me for your own advantage and Finn- how can I? I just don't know anything anymore. I feel like I'm about to go crazy, my head is just all over the place. And you're being so nice to me all of the sudden and I don't know what to make of it. What the fuck do you want from me? Why are you still here?"

"It is my fault that you're in this mess in the first place. You have just been at the wrong place at the wrong time, I know how it feels to be a pawn in somebody else's game. I won't let that happen to you."

"So, you feel guilty."

Alicia shrugs her shoulders at that. 

"I guess I do."

They sit in silence after that, Elyza isn't really sure what to do with that new information. Every word from Alicia's lips feel so honest and insincere at the same time. Alicia chooses her words very carefully, likes she's painting a happy little picture with them. Elyza can't help the feeling that whenever she opens her mouth, lies come spilling out.

But why?

That's the big question, isn't it?

Elyza knows for a fact, that Alicia is an excellent liar, she remember their meeting, remembers the sweet words that Alicia said to her, remembers the easy conversation they'd had, before she made a one-eighty and was suddenly threatening to kill them. No, she can't believe a word the other woman says. 

"Oh, and it does help that you're disgustingly beautiful,  _hodnes."_

_Wait, what?_

Elyza blinks at the other woman, who is staring at her with sparkling eyes. Alicia is smiling at her, and it is probably the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. But, no she can't let Alicia do that, she can't let her just... be- _fucking_ -witch her like this.

Alicia moves closer towards her and one hand comes to rest on Elyza's thigh, while she runs the other one down her arm. Elyza is rooted to the spot, her whole body feels boneless and she can't even bring herself to move. Her eyes flicker from Alicia's eyes to her mouth. She's moving even closer. The hand on her thigh moves up and down, alternating between running her knuckles and fingertips over her leg.

Elyza feels like she is on fire. She feels every touch, every movement amplified by a thousand times. Alicia bites her lips as she moves even closer, her right hand moves up from Elyza's arm to her neck. Soft fingers bury themselves in Elyza's hair, as she starts to massage her scalp. 

Their heads are only inches away from each other. Alicia presses the tip of her nose against the blonde's. Elyza's breath hitches. They are so fucking close. She closes her eyes for a moment waiting for Alicia to close the distance. 

Nothing happens. 

When she opens her eyes again, Alicia is still there. Inches away, grinning at her and her eyes glazed. Elyza shakes her head, when she realizes that this is another game, another lie. 

"Get away from me," Elyza whispers with a weak voice. She balls her hands to fists at her side, and abruptly falls back. Alicia doesn't move, the smile falls from her lips as she watches Elyza scramble away from her.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Elyza screeches with a shrill voice. "What's fucking wrong is that you're toying with me. You're playing with me and I don't understand why. Why? Why, Alicia, why?"

"I told you-"

"You didn't tell me jack shit. You lie like it's your second nature, you enjoy this, don't you? Driving me fucking crazy? I'll show you crazy!"

With shaking fingers Elyza gets the small gun out of the back pocket of her trousers. Her fingers fit perfectly around the round handle of the pistol. She raises her arms and angles the hand gun at Alicia's head. 

Alicia's eyes widen as she watches her.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Elyza shouts as she waves the Derringer around. It feels so light in her fingers, so natural. Alicia gets her hands up above her head and tries to lock eyes with Elyza. 

"I'm sorry. I never meant to turn you into this." 

"Well, you did."

They stare at each other and for the first time Elyza glimpses fear in the other woman's eyes. It is only there for a second, when her body freezes, and her eyes widen. Alicia recovers quickly. She puts her hands up and just plainly looks at Eliza. 

She takes a step forwards. 

"Do it. I deserve it."

Eliza's hold on the Derringer wavers. She's never shot it before, she's never killed anybody before - no the living at least. She takes a deep breath ad shakes her head. Her eyes start to burn again. It is all so much, too much. Alicia smiles at her, a kind smile. A smile that tells her to trust the other woman. 

She's almost about to lower the gun, when Alicia comes even closer.  

"You're not going to shoot me, _hodnes_ ," Alicia says softly. "Give me the gun, Elyza."

Elyza feels tears spilling from her eyes. 

"I don't know what to do. I just- I lost everybody. I'm alone, everything I touch turns into dust. And you- what are you doing to me?" 

Elyza still has the gun in her stretched out hands in front of her, she feels the weight, when Alicia moves so close that the gun presses tightly into her chest. Alicia smiles at her as she raises her hands.

"Let me help you," Alicia almost whispers, before her fingers cup Clarke's. 

"No, no, no," Elyza whimpers. 

A gun shot echoes through the eerily silent woods. Frightened Elyza jumps back, Alicia's hands fall from hers, when her body sinks to the ground. Elyza shakes her head not believing that this is really happening. She can't have shot her. It can't have been her fingers that pulled the trigger. The gun feels heavy in her hands. 

The smell of burned gun powder invades her senses, it smells like death, like pain, like guilt. 

Elyza sinks to the ground next to the limp body. Her knees hit the floor hard and she lets the gun fall down next to her. The loud thumb, when it lands makes her cringe. She crouches toward Alicia, her body still warm. Blood spills from her chest. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Elyza curses. "No, no, no... I didn't mean, I never. I'm so sorry."

With trembling fingers she puts her index and middle finger on Alicia's throat and desperately searches for her pulse, for a sign of life. She can't have killed her, not like this, not her. The pulse is slow, but steady.  

_She is not dead. Yet._

"Don't you fucking dare die on me now," she says to the lifeless figure in front of her. "I'm gonna bandage you up and give you some morphine, just... don't die."

She just hopes that Alicia has something in her backpack that will help. With trembling fingers Elyza searches through the pack, and she relief floods her when she finds two vials of morphine. She gets them out and takes a closer look, yes they should do. There are no bandages in the backpack, but another jacket, that Elyza tears into rags and uses to bandage up Alicia's wound. 

She takes a closer look at the wound and tries to recall her lessons at med school. It doesn't look like the bullet hit any main arteries or organs. It went straight through her chest, Clarke gulps down her guilt as wraps the rags around it to stop the bleeding.

She won't let her die.  

She quickly bandages Alicia; she has to use all of the rags to stop the bleeding. Her hands and arms are bloody, when she is finished. She feels nauseous, when she looks at her bloodied fingers, but she chokes it down. Now is not the time to be weak. 

With shaky legs, she moves over to the pond and washes her hands in the water that immediately turns red. She splashes some water in her face, before she turns back to finish what she had started. Her fingers are still trembling, when the syringe pierces Alicia's skin. Just to be safe, she uses the second vial as well. Better be safe, than sorry, right? 

"You're going to survive, alright?"

She sits down next to Alicia and runs her fingers through the other woman's hair for a moment. She presses the back of her hand against Alicia's forehead and runs her fingertips over Alicia's cheeks. 

"Just- we are even now, I guess," Elyza smiles awkwardly. She closes her eyes. Her heart is still beating furiously and adrenaline is shooting through her body making her experience everything around her more intense. She didn't mean to shot the gun. She'd enjoyed interacting with her, and she never meant to hurt her. 

Her finger just twitched. 

On the contrary, she loved the way their conversation made her feel. Clarke loved the way her heart started making weird acrobatics, whenever Alicia addressed her. And the trial and the whole ceremony were certainly something. She never experienced anything like it before.

And now the body of the woman was lying at her feet. Unconscious. She feels awful.

Birds chirp somewhere in the distance and Clarke can hear the sound of the wind in her ears. Feeling both empty and ecstatic at the same time, she moves toward the body and takes the katana off the unconscious body. For some reason it feels right to take it. A reminder of Alicia and what they experienced together. 

Then Clarke turns and runs.

She runs.

And runs.

And runs. 

~*~*~

After what feels like hours, but must have only been a few minutes, she stops at a line of trees and lies down. Her body is hidden beneath the undergrowth of a few bushes. Clarke takes a deep breath and laughs out loud.

God, that was intense. 

The whole encounter didn't take longer than a couple of hours, but the whole time she had been at the edge of her seat. She takes a sip from the now cold mug of green tea in front of her. She had completely forgotten about the tea, since she had been so immersed in the virtual reality in front of her eyes. Shaking her head she laughs again. Holy shit, this was probably one of her best role-playing experiences on the server. And god only knows how many hours she spent in front of her computer role-playing in the zombie infested world of Chernarus.

Really you only had to check Clarke's steam account to find out that she was addicted to the game. For some reason the post apocalyptic feeling of the video game really appealed to her. 

She takes a deep breath and leans into her desk chair. She lifts her fingers of the keyboard and mouse and wipes them at her yoga pants. Her palms are sweaty. Only now does she realize that it's dark outside. She's been playing every since she arrived home after a long and tenuous day of university. A quick glance at her clock tells her that it's already way past midnight. 

With a little ding a window pops up on the high left corner of her screen. She jumps at the sound. Normally she deactivates the steam overlay or sets her profile to offline while she plays, but apparently today she forgot. 

**Raven_the_builder**  (02:13): That was intense, dude! But great RP, holy fuck! So sad the server was already full, when I tried to join :( That would have been rad. 

**Griffindork** (02:14): What? How do you know?

**Raven_the_builder** (02:16): Lexa's a streamer, been watching her livestream ever since they captured you. Intense RP, I was biting my nails the whole time. She couldn't believe you shot her. "I so thought we had something there", that's what she said after you shot her in the face. Haha. 

**Raven**  (02:16): Here's the link, she is still live, Griff.

Quickly Clarke tabs out of the game, while her character is still crouched in one of the bushes. She clicks the hyperlink and is redirected to a webpage. She's watched streams on _twitch_ before; of course she has, but she never thought that one of her game experience would be livestreamed on the website. She feels a tingling sensation in her belly, when she thinks about Alicia, about Lexa.

Wait- Lexa? Her real fucking name was Lexa? Clarke laughs out loud. She guesses it is only fitting that her characters last name _Lex_ has such a close resemblance to the streamers first name, when Lexa had chosen to name her own character _Clark_.

What a weird fucking coincidence.

The page takes forever to load. And for some weird reason Clarke starts to bob in her chair, she feels nervous. Of course she doesn't know what the woman looks like in real life, all she has seen is her ingame character, but her voice, oh God. Most of her own reactions to the woman weren't played, no her voice and words had left Clarke completely flustered.

The games status screen is what greets her. It's just plain black and in the middle the short sentence "You are unconscious" is displayed. The overlay is black and white, and oh god, there she is. Clarke shouldn't be surprised, since most streamers use their facecam while playing, but still.

She is gorgeous.

For some reason she looks a lot like her ingame character, except... well, she is not just a bunch of pixels imitating the image of a real human being. She stares at the brunette and watches her mouth move without hearing what she says. For a moment Clarke is confused, but then she realized that the sound is turned of. 

She quickly mends her mistake and turns the sound on. 

She is greeted by the beautiful voice that she has talked to for hours now. Only now it is much clearer, as Lexa talks into large diaphragm microphone in front of her. A shiver runs through Clarke's body as she watches Lexa smile and salute her. 

"Welcome to the Coalition, _Raven_the_builder_! I really appreciate your support, dude- or wait, are you a woman? Raven, yeah that does sound like a girl. Either way, welcome! Guys, put your paws up for Raven for subscribing to my channel. Spam some raccoon's in the chat to give them a warm welcome!"

The chat box to the right of the screen is suddenly spammed with little raccoon emotes. They are disgustingly adorable and instantly remind Clarke of Alicia, Lexa's ingame character and her face paint. 

**Raven_the_builder** (02:19): Thanks so much guys [kreygasm] oh and Lexa, I'm a grill! Glad to be an official part of your community now <3

**Raven_the_builder** (02:20): And I can finally spam those cute little bastard on every channel [heda_racc] [heda_racc] [heda_racc]

**Raven_the_builder** (02:21): @ **Heda** I'm also friends with Elyza, alias Clarke... yknow the girl that totally shot you in the back [kappa] I told her to come here, she's prob lurking, too afraid to face your fury, oh almighty commander 

**MontyPython** (02:21): Don't be afraid. We won't bite... unless Heda tells us to 

**Jazzper** (02:21): What Monty said [kappa]

"Thanks Raven," Clarke mumbles as she sees reads her words. "What a good friend you are."

She's about to type something, when she realizes that she isn't even logged in to the website. She's just about to reload the webpage and log in, when she hears Lexa talk again. She is leaning back in her seat, while she is looking at the far right off where her webcam is, probably at chat. 

"Oh, you're friends with her... Clarke, that's her name? What a funny coincidence that that's my characters last name," she laughs as she stretches her arms over her head and runs her hand over her hair, before she looks straight into the camera again. "Don't worry, Clarke. They're only teasing, I'm not angry... I enjoyed playing with you a lot."

Clarke stares at her, and she feels like Lexa is looking straight at her. 

"So, don't be shy, if you're here just say hi, like Monty said we don't bite," Lexa smiles again and winks at the camera, "unless you want me to, that is."

**MontyPython** (02:22): There she goes again [kappa]

**Jazzper** (02:22): Lexa, you're always so aggressive, you're gonna scare her off [feelsbadman]

**MontyPython** (02:22): [feelsbadman] [feelsbadman] [feelsbadman]

**Jazzper** (02:23): she does that every time a cute girl is here

**Maya_1997** (02:24): not every girl... you never flirt with me, Lex [feelsbadman] don't you think I'm pretty, commander?

**Jazzper** (02:24): @ **Maya_1997**  cause you are taken, honey!! Lexa knows better than to mess with me  

**Maya_1997** (02:24): you dork <3 <3 <3 

Clarke laughs throatily at Lexa's words and the nerdy comments of her subscribers. She is still overwhelmed by the situation and feels her heart beat violently in her chest. She doesn't know any of the other guys that she plays with online - except for Raven. She meets most of the in game and only knows them by their character's name. 

She prefers it this way.  

But seeing Lexa like this, hearing her talk with Alicia's voice... seeing her smile, oh god her _beautiful_ smile. 

"Naah, I don't, you guys. That was only the one time, and we all know how _exceptionally well_ that worked out." Lexa laughs, as she keeps on reading chat. "And stop with that disgusting PDA, you guys. We all know how crazy in love you are, though I'm sure I could persuade Maya to dump your lazy ass, if I wanted, Jasper." Lexa sticks out her tongue and laughs to herself. "And of course, you're gorgeous, Maya."

**Jazzper** (02:26): only in your dreams, Lexa [kappa] 

**Griffindork** (02:26): um, hello everybody

**Raven_the_builder** (02:26): there she is! @ **Griffindork** we've just been talking about you, Clarke

**Jazzper** (02:26): Griffindork, that's just adorable

**Jazzper** (02:27): but are you sure you're a Griffindor, you seem like such a Slytherin

**Griffindork** (02:27): that was my character not me

Maybe she sould tell them that she didn't mean to shoot, but just accidentally clicked the left mouse button, because her hands were sweaty and she'd been so into the interaction that her mind stopped working properly. But no, that would just take her look like an idiot. 

"Hello Griffindork, how are you doing, mate? Oh, _you_ are Clarke! I wan't sure if you'd show or if Raven was just fucking with us. Your friend is really something, you know that? But I'm glad you found your way here, and I hope you didn't mind my character too much, she can be a bit of a flirt, Alicia has such a thing for pretty blondes with hot voices."

**MontyPython** (02:28): she does? 

**Maya_1997** (02:28): OH LEXA

**Jazzper** (02:28): you mean you have a thing for blondes with hot voices

**Jazzper** (02:28): you a blonde, Griffin? [kappa]

**MikeHunt007** (02:28): (message deleted for inappropriate content)

**Maya_1997** (02:28): you're such a pig, Murphy

**MontyPython** (02:28): ban incoming in 3... 2... 1...

[Mod] **GrounderPrincess** (02:28): @ **MikeHunt007** goodbye, asshole

Lexa shakes her head, while she reads their messages. She's getting more flustered by the second; Clarke thinks she can even see her cheeks tinge pink, but maybe that's just the camera. And maybe it's not. She runs a hand through her hair, as she waits for Lexa to answer. The broadcast is always slightly delayed.

"Stop making me look bad, guys, or I'll just tell the mods to ban you cheeky bastards from chat. How would you like that, Jasper? It wouldn't be the first time after all, you should be used to it by now.  I thought you were on my side, instead you're just trying to embarrass me in front of, um you know..." Lexa waves her hands around as she searches for the right word and it's ridiculously cute to watch. "Don't listen to them, Clarke, they've been drinking for hours and they love making me suffer."

**Jazzper** (02:29): I dare you to ban me

**Maya_1997** (02:29): please ban him [kappa]

**Maya_1997** (02:29): he deserves it

**Jazzper** (02:29): you wound me, my love [feelsbadman]

[Mod] **GrounderPrincess** (02:29): I'd totally ban you, Jasper, but then who'd help me rank up in leagues? btw you still owe me a game for the-thing-that-must-not-be-named

**Jazzper** (02:29): you promised not to tell

[Mod] **GrounderPrincess** (02:29): Ooops? [Kappa]

**Raven_the_builder** (02:29): Clarke's blonde, pretty, smart AND single [kappa]

**Griffindork** (02:29): RAVEN! I will kill you

**Griffindork** (02:29): you're the worst friend ever

**Raven_the_builder** (02:29): the best you mean

**MontyPython** (02:30): what is happening? is this the new tinder now?

**Jazzper** (02:30): this sounds like the beginning of an epic love story

**Jazzper** (02:30): I'm digging it

**Jazzper** (02:30): don't mess this up, commander [kappa]

Meanwhile Lexa picks up a tea cup and sips her drink. She shakes her head from time to time, but can't keep the smirk off her face. 

"Alright guys, enough fun for one day. I'm shutting this down- it's pretty late and you are driving me crazy. But what a night we had, thank you guys for watching, that was one of the most intense things I've ever experienced, though the ending was pretty tragic, right? Shot by the one I was trying to protect, if that ain't ironic. 

"Clarke, if you're still watching. I just wanted to let you know that I had a lot of fun playing with you tonight, even though I know Alicia can be intense at times, you did a great job putting up with her crazy ass. Though I still can't believe, that you actually took the shot. You know I thought we had something there... something special, _ai hodnes,_ " Lexa winks. And again that simple gesture manages to unravel Clarke. Suddenly she's beyond fucking grateful that Lexa can't see her and the weird little dance she does in the darkness of her own home. 

**Jazzper** (02:32): that means _my love_ btw

**Raven_the_builder** (02:32): It does? OH MY GOD

**Raven_the_builder** (02:32): Clarke, how could you shoot her? She was so obviously into you that it physically hurt #protectAlicia2k16

Clarke decides just to ignore the other's messages, especially Raven. Yes, Raven was her best friend, but she was acting like a little shit right know. But then again, when wasn't she? Clarke still remembers the disaster that was Raven trying to hook her up with her ex-boyfriend.

**Griffindork** (02:32): @ **Heda** I enjoyed it too, even though most of the times I wasn't sure if you were trying to help me or eat me

**MontyPython** (02:32): what?

**Raven_the_builder** (02:32): ahahahahaha 

**Raven_the_builder** (02:32): that's my girl [kappa]

**MontyPython** (02:32): is this the real life?

**Jazzper** (02:32): or is this fantasy?

**Griffindork** (02:32): oh god, I meant CHEAT, not eat... CHEAT

******MontyPython** (02:32): that can't have been a typo, she's so into you, commander

Lexa's eyes moves from the left to the right, while she reads the messages. Clarke's face is burning up and her heart is close to jumping out of her chest, but for some reason she can't look away. She holds her breath as she watches Lexa, but the streamer only smiles slightly, before she looks up at the camera her eyes slightly widened and laughs out loud.

"Oh guys, leave her alone. A honest mistake I'm sure," Lexa says playfully before she takes another sip from her mug.

"Alright, everybody. That's it for today. I have had so much fun tonight, thank you all for being here and again I can't thank you enough  for your kind donations and subs, you guys are truly amazing. I've got an early morning tomorrow, but I will be back on schedule tomorrow and start streaming at six." Lexa yawns and stretches her neck, before she continues, "maybe tomorrow we'll play some coop games, I miss playing with you. I have been thinking we might play some "Don't Starve Together" - the last time we did was just hilarious. Anyways, I'll put some music on, before I turn the stream off and I'll be in chat for a couple more minutes, so if you have any question, just ask them. May we meet again."

She smiles and salutes one last time, before the camera war turned off and the screen changed to a beautiful painting of her _DayZ_ character under which the words "Thank you for watching. See you next time!" are displayed. 

Clarke takes a deep breath and leans back in her seat. Her phone that's lying besides the keyboard starts ringing. She wonders who'd call her in the middle of the night and quickly picks up her phone. Of course it's Raven, she turns her phone on vibrate and throws it on her bed behind her. She doesn't feel like listening to Raven at the moment, because she knows exactly what Raven's going to say.

And she can't really deal with that now. 

Not when she is still so confused about what has just happened. Just as Lexa has promised, a soft folk song that Clarke has never heard before starts playing. It is helping her relax somewhat, that is until Raven resorts to spamming her messenger. After the eight message, Clarke quickly opens up the chat window and types a message to her best friend, who doesn't even deserve that title any longer. 

**Griffindork** (02:33): I hate you. So much. 

**Raven_the_builder** (02:34): You have no chill, babe. 

**Raven_the_builder** (02:34): Why you not answering my calls? This is important, Clarke. Something magical just happened and you can't just ignore it. 

**Raven_the_builder** (02:34): I know I shouldn't ship real people, but you and Lexa... truly a match made in heaven

**Raven_the_builder** (02:35): CLEXA

**Raven_the_builder** (02:36): see you even have a cute ship name, that's the first step to a healthy relationship

**Raven_the_builder** (02:36): she lives in Washington btw

**Raven_the_builder** (02:36): she could be the mysterious neighbour who just moved in and who you haven't seen yet

**Griffindork** (02:37): just stop

**Griffindork** (02:37): you're driving me nuts, just leave it be, please? I'm gonna go now and make myself a tea to calm down

**Raven_the_builder** (02:37): to calm down? did lexa get you all hot and bothered?

**Griffindork** (02:38): leave me alone and go to sleep Raven or I'll tell my mother about your little crush on her, which is disgusting btw

**Raven_the_builder** (02:38): you wouldn't do that

**Raven_the_builder** (02:39): or would you?

Clarke laughs to herself, as she gets up and stretches her arms and legs. She's been sitting nonstop for six hours in front of her computer, only occasionally getting up to go to the toilet and open the door for the pizza delivery guy. She is just a walking and talking cliché. She wanders around her one room apartment, and turns on the kettle to make some more tea. 

The stream is still online and she finds herself moving in beat to the folk song that's playing in the background. Lexa is living in Washington... the knowledge that they are living in the city, is making Clarke nervous. Playing with her and interacting with her on stream had been one thing, but knowing that they might actually only be living miles apart from each other and that she could one day just bump into her, when she was getting a coffee at Starbucks or visiting her favourite gaming store, was unnerving.  

She remembers Raven's words.

_Something magical._

Clarke snorts as she brews her tea. Yeah right. All they did was some playful flirting, actually Lexa did all of the flirting and Clarke just blushed and got flustered. And she doesn't even know if Lexa was actually flirting with her or if that was just her being entertaining for her viewers; maybe it meant nothing at all.

"Fuck," she cries out, as she pours the boiling hot water over her hand. She turns on the faucet and lets some cold water runs over the burnt skin. After another couple of swears, she mutters to herself, "that's what happens if you like somebody, Clarke, you get hurt. Every fucking time."

Behind her she hears a bling, as Raven probably shoots her another message. She takes the mug into the hand that she didn't pour the hot water over and with a frown on her face she sits down at her desk. 

She nearly drops the mug. 

Somebody named "CommanderRaccoonEyes" has just added her to their friends list. Clarke's mouse cursor hovers over the accept button for a second, before she clicks it. It doesn't take her long to figure out who it is that hides behind the nickname. Clarke's baffled that Lexa actually took the time to find her steam profile and add her. 

She is trying very hard not to freak out, when the Lexa texts her. 

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:47): Hey, it's Lexa. I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable, trust me that wasn't my intention. You just surprised me by showing up on my stream. I wasn't really prepared for that. You're an amazing role player btw, I'd love to meet you sometime. Under different circumstances of course :D

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:47): ... in game I mean. 

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:48): I feel like I should warn you though, Alicia's not a very forgiving person, so next time she sees you, it won't be pretty, you vicious little fox. 

**Griffindork** (02:49): Would you believe me if I told you I'm just a big klutz and shot you on accident? 

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:49): Please tell me you didn't? Oh god, that's hilarious, you dork :D 

**Griffindork** (02:49): I did and I'm not proud of it. 

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:49): You're just too cute. 

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:49): Btw is that you in your profile picture? Your friend was right on all account. Blonde, pretty and smart. 

**Griffindork** (02:51): Are you flirting with me?

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:51): I don't know- would you like that, Clarke?

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:52): It'd be totally cool if you didn't. 

**CommanderRaccoonEyes** (02:52): Or if you're not into that sort of thing, totally cool. 

**Griffindork** (02:53): I think I would like that a lot, Lexa.

~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, surprise?
> 
> I imagine that's not how you expected the story to work out, but what can I say I'm twitch trash and I just had this idea and had to go with it. There are actually a couple of more or less obvious hints in the chapters, but I guess if you don't know DayZ (the game this is mostly based on), they won't really stand out. I even mentioned my fav streamer, so kudos to anybody who can work it out. 
> 
> And yes, I'm just a huge fucking nerd. 
> 
> If you're interested in what the roleplaying looks like if it's done in real life, the watch [this Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diOVar_s2rk) or any of MrMoon's videos really. It's damn long, but really fucking entertaining. 
> 
> For anybody who does not know what twitch is, it's basically a life streaming website, where you can watch other people play games or just talk to them and be a big family xD I hope you enjoyed and if you have any other questions, just ask me!


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